Let me Tellier all about it

It’s not hard to expect Sebastien Tellier will assist you in getting tail. And I’m not saying it's for the first time in a long dry spell, I’m talking about being laid for the next 72 hours. I’m talking about dusting off the record player and closing the blinds for a few days. I’m talking about phenomenal neon cosmic orgasms and body melds like you’re fucking in a waffle-maker.

Mezzanine played host to the beginning of my Sexuality-inspired weekend with a man that is personified by the essence of pillowtalk foreplay and 80’s soft touch porno-pop-sex. As I slowly unzipped and opened myself up to new things, I heard men croon more than women, experienced wasted 20-something hipsters overexaggerate their relationship insecurities with “just pull out” inhibitions, all the while watching Mezzanine turn into a French bisexual disco Jacuzzi cootie party.



I don’t speak the French language, but I’ve always secretly wanted to be French. Screw Sylvester the Skunk, I’m the pastel blazer-wearing, true school electroblazing, Filipino version of Don Johnson from Miami Vice…but I’d have a Tagalog/French accent - find me as the token bad guy in the next Bond movie.

The song that really hit the G-spot at the Mezz show was “Kilometer” - filtered Korg synths missionary-style over Miami callgirl sex moans is WAY more amazing than His & Her KY Jelly.

Don’t get me wrong, the beard and Jesus locks make Tellier looks like The Dude or Tommie Sunshine; not so much the ideal “take me home cause I’m naughty type.” But game recognizes game, and even though Jenz thinks I’m lothario, Tellier's solar-shield sunglasses and charming French tickler persona gave me lockjaw. During track “L’amour et la violence,” I swear it felt like I was in the middle of a Power Exchange orgy. If you’ve ever been into American Apparel, where Tellier has his own line of V-neck hipster sex shirts, then you know what I’m talking about.

I’ve had Sexuality ebbing from my apartment since I got home Thursday night, and I’m sure I’ll be getting noise complaints from the landlord about how much my bed squeaks. The only time I saw the sun was when I turned on the weather channel to try and drown out my own verses to “Une Heure.”


Show review by Ryan Rosario

Photo thru Google

"Sleeper Hits," by Ryan Rosario

Ryan Rosario reports on Saturday's Dirtybird show:

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After a serious herbal detox (not the drinking kind) from last Thursday night’s waxing, I plowed through for Saturday’s storm to catch Claude VonStroke and Switch blowout some bassbins. I’ve been a Dirtybird and Dubsided fanatic for a good minute, so my expectations of the show were that of a die-hard, dance-harder fan. I loaded my copper-colored Shuffle with all the songs that make me fidget, wobble, techno-juke, blip-slide, and ghetto-tech in anticipation of the night.

[VonStroke picture by Kapshure]

Now, I don’t know how many of you have been to a Dirtybird party in Golden Gate Park, or their occasional Friday night at Shine, but these guys bring it like a Benadryl and Vodka Red Bull uppercut in the gut. Techno squirrel squeaking on top of deep house baselines and sodapop drums at 130 bpm’s would make everyone from candy-ravers to hyphy soldiers bob their heads and tap their feet. Then there’s Switch, aka Dave Taylor, aka one half of Solid Groove, aka one half of Induceve, aka Modeler, aka shall I keep geekin’ out!?!

Nevertheless, Switch’s remix catalog is equally rivaled by his original production work with artists like Santogold, M.I.A., Diplo, Crookers, and fellow Dubsiders Jesse Rose, Sinden, Herve, and Trevor Loveys - all of which have been in SF over the past four months with the exception of Herve , who is yet to cross the pond.

By the time I reached the Powell MUNI station, the diphenhydramine and highball combo I consumed before leaving turned my reality into the music video for "Pest - Pat Pong (Solid Groove Remix)" as it was playin’ in my headphones. I walked into Mezzanine feeling like a wet dog on acid while anxiously anticipating the physical warmth from other bodies dancing the rain away.

"Get Your Soulwaxed," by Ryan Rosario

Ryan reports on the sonic blitzkrieg that is Soulwax+2ManyDJs!

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Have you ever had a Soulwax? A sonic laser removal of the flesh from your bones and mangled conception of reality into live streaming internet video? It peaks in “Phantom Pt. II (Soulwax Nite Versions remix),” and that fucking breakdown into silence that bugs the shit out of music snobs until they remember how much the final buildup of digitized bass licks and Roman Catholic chapel synths makes them want to geek like new tracks on blogspots. This is my first spot for Mezzanine, and I highly recommend this track on vinyl 12” over 320 kbps because DJs still gotta have wax on their hands.

First off, Thursdays are the new Fridays. There is just something about S.H.I.T. that makes me believe Part of the Weekend Never Dies. The hour-long documentary/video coverage filmed on one camera (f’real!?) during the 2005 through 2007 Soulwax tour/studio/interview movie was a voyeuristic endeavor into the core of Soulwax. It built me up and let me down like sex in a bathroom stall. “E Talking” was their 2006 music video that was banned from European television because it depicted hella kids on hella drugs being hella real at London venue Fabric. If that video was a hardcore porno, Weekend was the stolen sex tape from your next-door neighbors…best watched with 200 other people.

With a serious chubby as a result from that film and armed with a fresh Red Stripe, I was ready for the music from opening DJs JDH and Dave P from New York City. I LOVE NEW YORK DISCO TECHNO! They got that boogey-down shit on point like Republicans and oil. Their ’tween sets were refreshing for all the heads – enough to make me buy a red-eye to NYC and catch them at their monthly party called Fixed.

Soulwax & Nite Versions equal David and Stephen Dewaele, Stefaan Van Leuven, and Steve Slingeneyer. Their all white ensemble and proper bow ties let us know that things were going to get sweaty. My favorite was the LCD Soundsystem Nite Versions cover of “Get Innocuous.” I’m going to have that song stuck in my head for a minute, I’m sure. Instead of an encore, the Dewaele brothers decided to close as 2ManyDJs. In the day and age of recently acquired Serato DJs and Abelton live computer sets, it was refreshing to watch the Dewaele brothers bring the heat with real wax. Flipping records and riding the pitch control brought me to full mast as I suddenly realized I was poking through like a Florida voters’ booth. After a careful zip-up and realization that I was dancing commando, girls started sprinkling the stage. Everyone went COMPLETELY APE SHIT when the biggest dude in the smallest pink striped polo jumped on stage and shamelessly sang out his underbelly. As the crack in the dam that had finally been unleashed, soon the stage mob rivaled the dance floor onlookers.

This was my first live Soulwax/2ManyDJs experience, and I know it won’t be my last.